You’ve stumbled on to the lawn of Corgus Rex, home of something or another. This was supposed to be the start of some grandiose project, but that didn’t go anywhere and this domain is on auto-renew. Please keep an eye out for future projects and thank you for not toilet papering our house.
Over the course of seven years at a certain entertainment company, I had worked with some of the most vile people I have ever come across. Toxic Office Animals is dedicated this particular group of garbage people. Their exploits were so dumb or horrific (often both), that it sounds like hackneyed fiction. Here are racists, thieves, nepotist, s*****l harassers, and even a self-admitted r****t immortalized as animated gifs.
Simpleton Gorilla / Slimy Toad (M) / Shady Rat (R)
Our “job” in video games quite often is to save the world from the looming apocalypse. Heroically battle the legions of doom, triumph, and roll the credits. But for me, Playstation Home was different, the “legion “big baddie” was a corporate balance sheet, there was no way to avert Armageddon, all you could do was witness the lights go out in March of 2015. In the weeks before the end, I wanted to document my final tour of Playstation Home.
I remember leading up to its release, Playstation Home was touted to players as the next great social media platform, a “metaverse” before it “metaverse” was buzzword wankery, where you can meet up with fellow gamers, chat and play. An evolution of Second Life, sanitized for corporate marketing without the flocks of winged genitalia flapping about. For the most part despite all its flaws, Playstation Home was a fun experience, and its influences can be seen today in the modern social hubs of games like Street Fighter 6 and Fortnite. But at the end of the day, not enough people were buying digital clothes and furniture, nor were marketers all that interested in creating branded spaces and content for a dwindling user population to make the whole endeavor profitable.
We were mostly figuring out how to keep our jobs, our house supplied, and most importantly, our sanity. My lockdown days were spent making sure the kids paid attention to their Zoom classes rather than rolling on the floor, making myself look more busy than expendable at work and securing the basic necessities through those coveted Fresh Direct delivery time slots. The world of 2020 was wildly broken, society taking a beating, but thankfully eBay still functioned.
I wasn’t spending recklessly with cyroto-bro abandon, eBay was my $5-$10 therapy session. A little ray of sunshine in the form a relic of a happier bygone era. A game I never got a chance to get, one that was lost in a move (or a breakup), coming back some 20 odd years later to fill in a missing piece. Though a few steps removed, each package that arrived had the feeling of sorely missed human contact. Some games smelled of mothballs, some wrapped in newspapers from halfway around the world, but my favorites were the ones with the hand-written notes or random piece of candy.
That is how my collection started to grow again.
A nice little note that came with this game that travelled all the way from Japan.
Mini shelf made from discarded hardwood cabinet doors.
It’s simple math really, when the lockdown did away with my one-hour commute, I was left with two extra hours every day with which to fart around. I learned some Portuguese, worked on carpentry, even made a trdelník. However, the luster of learning actual useful skills and home exercise soon faded and YouTube’s warm embrace beckoned. Its algorithmic tendrils ensnared my slushy brain and I was pulled down into the dark abyss.
I was a cable TV cord cutter, and it started innocently enough as watching news clips on YouTube. One story caught my attention amidst the barrage of toilet paper melees at Walmart and Karens getting their comeuppance, someone sold a single video game for tens of thousands of dollars (though we would later find out it was mostly concocted by a scammy video game appraisal service and its sketchy auction house business). Maybe because I watched it more than once, or shared it with a few friends, but soon my feed started including retro game hunting vlogs, people showing off the games they bought every week and room tours that housed said games. I was hooked.
Part of me said I needed to go back to doing productive things, like wood working. Part of me said I needed shelves to display my junk. I did both.
By late spring of 2020, we all picked up hobbies and projects to distract ourselves from the onslaught of disheartening news that rained down on us each and every day in the early days of the lockdown. My initial plan was to just make my prison cell/basement home office a wee bit nicer. Anything to add a bit of life to white mold-resistant walls and soul-crushing fluorescent tube lighting.
2020, Return of the Weeaboo. Sega Mega Drive games.
As the days ticked by, I often thought about the “before times”, when we took freedom of movement and world travel for granted. Trapsing through foreign lands buying all sorts of weird stuff that made us laugh or thought was real neat. Hats that look like a swirl of poop, candy that tasted like ramen, and of course video games. Those relics from my far weebier and younger days of worshipping at the altar of Japanese pop culture were packed away by serious “adult” me a few years earlier, now called out to me as much needed reminders of more cheerful times.
One of the first things I excavated were my old Japanese Sega Mega Drive video games from my numerous trips to Hong Kong in the early 1990’s.
I can’t say it was ever my intention to create a room full of old video games, but that is how things turned out. Up until March 2020, I wasn’t a “collector” of such vintage wares, I just held on to most of my games from the time they were new. I was perfectly okay with them neatly packed away in the closet of my old bedroom at my parents’ house. Some games sat dormant there for as many as 30 years.
Pictured: The DMG model Gameboy that started it all.
When the Pandemic hit New York and we were all ordered to work from home, I needed a place to work away from the kids. The lone option in our house was our basement, which at the time was more of a junk yard than home office. Pushing aside the moving boxes we never unpacked and the wobbly treadmill the previous owners of the house abandoned down there, I created a less embarrassing background for my Zoom meetings. After a few weeks I grew tired of the blank white wall behind me, so I threw some things in the background to liven things up. The first thing to be added was what I thought was retro-kitschy-cool, my wife’s old hand-me-down DMG model Gameboy (my Gameboy had long been stolen by my cousin a few decades prior).
During one of my subsequent remote meetings, a colleague had commented on how cool it was and asked if the Gameboy still worked. I actually wasn’t sure and then began digging through my old stuff for cartridges, which was the start of this strange journey.